So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
