I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I believe in your delicious
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
