is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize