Only a mothe r could love this liver
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
