I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
