we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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