You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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