Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
