i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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