I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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