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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize