Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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