i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
