When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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