I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
