It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
