I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
