The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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