the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
