I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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