butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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