I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize