i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
