You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize