My first STD was from a foam party
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
