i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
