my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
