I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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