i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
