I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
