It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
