They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize