Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
