Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
