why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
