Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
