3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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