nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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