I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
