I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
why is half of my head shaved?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
