And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
too bad you live with your parents still
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
