ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
