we have officially lost it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
