she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
