Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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