Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
