I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
