I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize