I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
