i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
