Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
