Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
