my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm at about main and main street
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
