but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
