you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize