it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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