I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
