yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
