My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
