Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
