I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize