Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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