Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
