Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
