I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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