do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
