never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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