watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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