i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize