if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
