i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
