I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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