There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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