wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
