I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need moral support for this bender
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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