He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
