i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
