There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
