careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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