i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize