Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
