There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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