Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Terrible idea I love it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
