I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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