i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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