I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
