my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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