yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need moral support for this bender
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
