I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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