do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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