Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
