Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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