My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
false alarm, still single
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
