I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
