Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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