So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i now understand why vodka
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
