there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
