i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize