apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
