Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize